


The World's Greatest Family

by LiamLordofTrash



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Deadpool being Deadpool, Domestic Avengers, Family, Fluff and Crack, M/M, Mild Language, Silly, Slice of Life, Stan Lee Cameo, soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-16
Updated: 2018-07-21
Packaged: 2019-06-11 05:30:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15308520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LiamLordofTrash/pseuds/LiamLordofTrash
Summary: A series of familial moments between the Avengers,not very cannon compliantsweet moments, aka Infinity War TherapyStill taking any ironstrange requests!





	1. Breakfast

The morning was cool and the sun was rested on the horizon gently. He sat on the porch and sipped his tea, leaning back in the chair in the warmth of the sun. It was a lovely morning. Stephen stretched and he put his tea down as the tremors started in his hands. He sighed and leaned back further. He got up and decided to get a straw so that he could enjoy his tea. He spilled it on himself way too much, and the last time it had burned him badly. He went back and started to drink his tea. It was a very relaxing morning. 

Stephen was one of the earliest risers in the Avengers, along with Cap, Sam, Bucky, and Natasha. They all got up around the same time at about five or six in the morning. Stephen liked the soft mornings of New York and the crisp mornings of Kamar-Taj. Stephen liked mornings. 

Tony liked the nights. He liked to stay up late and look up at the moon and feel the crisp air of the night, the dark colors and the lack of people. Stephen could understand it somewhat. 

He walked back to the bedroom after finishing his tea and he put it in the sink, turning on the tap and letting the empty cup fill with water before turning it off and walking back to the bedroom. Tony was still sleeping and Stephen sat down on the bed next to him. He had been up for quite a while and it was about eight. He kissed Tony’s forehead and Tony wiggled a little but didn’t wake up. 

“Love you,” said Tony in his sleep. Stephen gently brushed his hair with his hands. He walked to the kitchen and started to make breakfast. 

****

A left, right, another left, and a kick. They twisted around, kicking and punching at each other. Clint was nowhere as good at sparring as Natasha was, but they spared together regardless. Natasha definitely went easy on him from what he saw with her sparring with Steve. She regularly gave Captain America bruises the size of grapefruit but she rarely hurt Clint. This was one of those rare occasions. She hit him in the ribs and he fell, coughing up blood. 

“Oh, shit, Clint are you alright?” asked Natasha, squatting down next to him. 

“Oh fuck.. Yeah I bit my tongue real bad,” said Clint. “Gah.. It just.. Damn.” 

“Let’s get you patched up,” said Natasha. They had a small supply of bandages and gauze that they had stored up for when sparring got too rough or some kind of minor battle occured. 

“Think the Doc is up yet?” asked Clint.

“Yeah he gets up early,” said Natasha. Natasha went to get the bandages and Clint went to Strange. 

“Hey! Doc, we were sparring and Nat kicked me real bad and my tongue is bleeding and my ribs hurt,” said Clint. Most of the Avengers agreed to ask Stephen to help them whenever they had a minor injury like that. Firstly, it made him feel better about his hands and such, and secondly he was one of the very few of them with any medical knowledge. It was probably for the best they had him there. Clint had tried to pull an arrow out of his arm once. Apparently that was actually an extremely bad idea and was likely to cause serious damage. 

“Give me a minute,” said Stephen, “Just get the stuff, I’ll be there soon.” 

****

Clint waited for a little while and eventually Stephen came there. Clint had taken his shirt off and found a large purple bruise there. He touched it and it hurt. 

“Don’t touch it,” Natasha warned as he did it again.

“It hurts.”

“You don’t say?” Natasha sighed. She touched it and Clint overreacted massively, as if she had made an attempt on his life. “Stop being a baby.”

“It  _ hurts, _ ” Clint whimpered. “It hurts so much. You’ve killed me, Nat.” He laid across the cot dramatically. 

“What are you doing? If you’ve got an injury that’s a terrible idea,” said Stephen, walking in. 

“Yeah, what are you doing Clint?” Natasha asked. 

“She poked it,” said Clint. 

“You poked it first!” Natasha snapped. 

“It doesn’t matter who poked it when,” said Stephen. Stephen looked closely at it. “It’s bleeding,” Stephen noted. 

“You’ve injured me,” said Clint. 

“I think her boot pinched your side and tore your skin,” said Stephen. “So it’s-”

“You’ve pinched my skin off,” Clint told her.

“I can also hear what Stephen is saying, you know that right?” asked Natasha. 

“Off Nat! Off! How long do I have Doc?” asked Clint. 

“Well if you don’t irritate her any more, then you should have a normal future life span,” Stephen said. “This is very minor.” 

“Yeah well Clint is a..” Natasha switched his hear aid off and then called him a bitch. He turned it back on quickly. 

“I can read lips!” Clint hissed. 

“Well if you’ll survive the emotional damage of that, this should get better soon,” Stephen said. “But here, just to make sure,” he said, peeling the back off a Hello Kitty bandaid and sticking it to Clint’s cut. 

“Look at this, Nat. Had to stitch me back together again.”

“An epic tale of survival,” said Natasha. 

“I wanna get something to eat,” said Clint.

“I made breakfast,” Stephen said. 

“Nice,” said Clint. “I’m going to steal your food.”

“Go ahead,” said Stephen. Clint and Natasha went to get some breakfast. 

****

Sam was trying to enjoy his morning jog when he heard the incoming disaster. He sped up as quickly as he could going from jogging to down right running. Not again. Not  _ again.  _ He ran as fast as he could, but he heard them speeding up as well. 

“Not today bastards!” yelled Sam. They were all running, moving as quickly as they could. Sam was running out of breath, he was losing energy. He had to keep going, they were right  _ there.  _ His legs hurt, he was probably getting shin splints. His lungs burned. No, no no, he couldn’t let them win! He found a little energy he didn’t know was there as he lunged forwards faster, faster than he had run in a few years. “You can’t do it this time!” 

“On,” Steve began.

“No! Stay back demons!” snapped Sam. “I’ll trip you!” 

“On your right!” Bucky yelled, running past him. 

“Bastard!”

“On your left!” Steve yelled running past him as well. 

“Shitheads!” Sam snapped. They all lost momentum and slowed down seriously, and Sam just barely got past them both. “Through the middle!” he yelled. He then tripped over a water fountain and then into it. Bucky and Steve helped him out. They started to head back to the tower.

“Are you alright, Sam?” asked Steve.

“Yeah I’m fine,” said Sam. Then his leg fell and he hit the ground. The others helped him back up again. “Nevermind. This sucks.” 

“We’ve got you,” said Bucky, he pulled up Sam by his shoulders and then Steve got him by the feet and pulled him up. They carried him back to the tower. 

“Stephen! Doc we got a fucked up ankle!” Bucky yelled. 

“You’re probably gonna get a bandaid,” Clint yelled downstairs to them. 

“Alright, well, let’s talk to him anyways.” They carried Sam up the stairs onto the cot.  Bucky went and got Stephen. Stephen looked at Sam’s leg for a while and decided he probably had a sprained ankle. 

“Let’s put this ankle brace on it for a while, and if it gets worse then head into the doctor’s office, they’ll probably x-ray it,” said Stephen. 

“Alright,” said Sam. He stood on it and it felt somewhat better.

“Make sure to keep your weight off it,” Stephen noted. 

“Has anyone made breakfast yet?” asked Steve.

“I did,” said Stephen. “Be careful, Natasha and Clint got to it, you might lose a finger if you try to get some, they’re vicious.” Steve and Bucky scooped up Sam and continued to carry him.

“Hey! I  _ can  _ walk!” Sam said. 

“We’re gonna take care of you,” said Steve. Sam sighed and accepted his fate. They all went to the kitchen. Wanda and Vision were cuddling and eating together, which was really getting on everyone’s nerves. It had been cute at first but Clint, Sam, and Rhodey had made bets on when they would next be seen apart and all three had in fact guessed too short. Bruce was up and around, eating and talking to Thor, who was happily yelling and already drinking, though it was only a little past nine. Thor did that a lot. Rhodey was up and around, and he passed Sam the juice as he was carried  to the table. Peter had even swung by for breakfast, being let in through the window by Stephen. 

“Anybody missing?” Clint asked. 

“I think the Ant crew might show up,” said Natasha. 

“Tony’s still sleeping.”

“Nick wants us to save him some,” said Sam. 

“Happy and Pepper should be around soon.” 

“I think Loki might come. Brunnhilde should be by soon,” Thor announced.

“Brunnhilde?”

“Yes, my friend the Valkyrie,” said Thor. 

“Her name is Brunnhilde?” asked Bruce.

“Yes,” Thor said. “You remember her- from Sakaar.”

“Yeah, how could I ever forget Sakaar,” said Bruce. 

“Hey!” Scott yelled. “The Ant squad is here!” Hank, Janet, Hope, and Scott came up the stairs, followed closely by Luis. 

“Oh man this is so cool,” said Luis. “You know,  this reminds me of this one time-” 

“Everybody sit down we’ll be here a while,” said Sam. 

****

By the time that Tony got there, everyone else was already there. Literally everyone. Some of them he hadn’t even seen before. 

“You’re finally up,” Stephen noted. Tony yawned. 

“Yeah.. Is there any food left?” 

“Like a piece of toast.” 

“Gotta get here early motherfu-” Nick began.

“Nick there is a  _ child _ ,” hissed Steve, pointing at Peter. 

“I’m Spider _ man _ ,” Peter whined. 

“Spider _ boy, _ ” everyone corrected him nearly in unison. 

“What’s up fuckers?” Deadpool asked loudly, walking in.

“Get out, you’re not an Avenger,” Nick sighed. “We’ve been through this before.”

“You’re not an Avenger.”

“I lead the Avengers,” said Nick.

“Ok well… Hank, Janet, Hope, Wong, Brunnhilde, Loki, Pepper, and Happy are all also not Avengers.” 

“Deadpool,” Nick began. “They were all invited by people who  _ are  _ Avengers.”

“So if I get an invite from an Avenger I can hang out with you guys?” Deadpool asked.

“Sure,” said Nick. 

“Ok, who’s dick do I have to suck to get on the team?” asked Deadpool.

“You can’t suck anybody’s dick,” said Nick.

“Ok so it’s a woman I’ve gotta get through?” 

“No, Deadpool, you’re not getting on the team.”

“I’ve got my own movie! I’ve got two of my own movies!” snapped Deadpool. 

“Yeah, you told us that plenty of times,” Tony sighed. 

“Hey, uh who invited him?” asked Deadpool, pointing at an elderly man at the table.

“That’s Stan Lee. He can invite himself,” said Nick.

“What? Well.. I mean he created us all so, fine, fair enough.” 

“Created us? I thought Tony created me?” asked Vision.

“I mean he could be the honorary father of the whole team since none of us have living parents,” said Thor. There was an awkward pause. “I’m just saying.”

“I actually do have a father,” said Wanda. 

“Yeah, sure, why does he never visit?” asked Clint.

“Copyright,” said Deadpool. 

“Is.. Is Tony not my father?” asked Vision.

“He’s my dad too,” said Peter. 

“He’s neither of your dads biologically,” said Deadpool. “So only Wanda has a point.” 

“Her dad’s not real! It’s a coping mechanism,” sighed Nick. “Don’t encourage her.” 

“Yeah if these so called ‘X-Men’ are out there why don’t they do anything about Ultron? Or Thanos?” asked Clint. “Either they suck or they’re not real.”

“It’s also a little weird how your ‘dad’ just looks like an old version of your brother,” muttered Natasha.

“My dad is real! His name is-”

“Wait! Wait, Wanda, the copyright gods!” Deadpool warned. 

“Erik? Can I say that?” she asked. 

“Yeah I think we’re good. Also I’ve teamed up with some of the X-Men. I dunno maybe if I was an Avenger I could introduce you all.” 

“Deadpool stop encouraging her.”

“Deadpool just get out,” Nick said.

“Deadpool, would you like to have breakfast with us?” asked Wanda. 

“Is that an  _ invitation? _ ” Deadpool asked, practically lunging onto the table. 

“Absolutely,” she said. 

“Yes!” 

“Wanda!”

“Maybe if you would stop saying my dad doesn’t exist I wouldn’t have invited him.”  Deadpool literally climbed onto the table. 

“Hey can you just like pour syrup into my mouth?” asked Deadpool taking off the bottom part of his mask and opening his mouth. There was an awkward pause and then he pointed into his mouth for a while. Peter thought it was funny and poured syrup into his mouth. 


	2. Field Trip

Deadpool felt the need to hang out much longer than breakfast, and since Clint, Natasha, and Nick refused to admit that Wanda’s dad exists she continued to invite him along. They headed down to the beach, so that they could at least get a little space away from Deadpool. 

“Anybody know if the Wakandans are going to show up?” asked Sam. 

“Probably?” Tony said. “I’m not sure if they will today. Hopefully though.” 

“We’ll see,” Natasha said. “They’re pretty busy.” 

“Let’s have a sandcastle building competition!” Peter yelled. He and Deadpool started to build their sandcastles. Wanda and Vision joined, building one together.

“Hey! No using powers to build!” Deadpool snapped. Tony and Brunnhilde got some drinks and sat down on the beach. Bruce fell asleep so Sam, Bucky, and Clint decided to bury him in the sand while he slept. 

“You better hope that doesn’t piss him off when he wakes up,” called Steve. Thor decided to join them.

“If we all do this together we can bury him quickly,” Thor said.

“Thor, no, don’t put sand on his face, man,” Sam said. 

“Ah,” Thor said. “This is a gentle prank then, yes?”

“A gentle prank?” asked Clint.

“Yes, like non life threatening?” asked Thor.

“Life threatening?!”

“Loki taught me how to prank,” Thor explained.

“Oh. Jesus, ok, just follow us,” said Bucky. They continued to scoop sand over Bruce. Deadpool was getting tired of building sandcastles and then decided to move his castle to on top of Bruce. 

“Are you burying him or building?”

“I’m.. yes? I’m doing both.” Stephen settled in next to Tony, sitting with him in the sand. 

“I think I’m gonna ditch,” said Rhodey. 

“What’s wrong?”

“I dunno I just.. I don’t like sand for a start and it gets all in the joints of my leg,” he said, tapping the metal legs. 

“I mean.. Alright but if you wanna go somewhere else some of us can go-”

“I need a little time alone, you get it,” said Rhodey. 

“Oh yeah, I definitely get it,” said Tony. “Have fun man,” he said. Rhodey smiled and waved, leaving quickly. 

“Oh damn, look at the power couple,” Stephen said to Tony. Tony looked over  to Vision and Wanda who were getting close to making out there and then. 

“PDA!” yelled Deadpool throwing sand at them. 

“Can I uninvite him?” Wanda asked Nick.

“Absolutely!” said Nick. “Do it.”

“Deadpool, keep Wanda and Vision from making out and I’ll invite you,” Tony yelled.

“Ha!” Deadpool laughed for a while.

“Hey! Stop, you’re going to wake up Bruce!” Deadpool quieted down, and continued to build his castle, which as it got further it became more and more obvious that it was a penis. Tony decided to just let him do that so long as he kept Wanda and Vision in check. The Ant parents had built a rather nice sand castle and Scott and Hope shrank down and went inside and started to dig it out from the inside. 

“They’re gonna kick my ass,” hissed Deadpool. “Wait you’re using powers!”

“It’s not powers, it’s technology,” Hank said, smiling. 

“Dammit he has a point.” Vision began to use his abilities as well. 

“I am technology,” Vision said. 

“I hate you,” Deadpool hissed. 

“We need to team up to beat them!” Peter exclaimed. 

“Yeah, come here!”

“Be quiet!” said Clint. Peter abandoned his sand castle to help Deadpool. They teamed up on their castles. After they finished covering Bruce in sand, Clint, Bucky, Sam, and Thor joined Deadpool and Peter’s efforts. They worked together, but they were definitely no match for the Ant squad. 

“Who is even going to judge these?”

“What about Fury? He hates everyone equally.”

“No he doesn’t, he hates Deadpool most!”

“No I don’t,” said Nick Fury. “I do hate someone most but I’m not saying it. All you need to know is that Natasha is my favorite.”

“So long as she stays out of it we’re good,” said Peter. “Mr. Fury, could you judge our castles in the end?” asked Peter. 

“Of course,” said Nick. Some of the others went out to swim around, with the exception of those who wanted to work on the sandcastles and Tony and Stephen. Even Brunnhilde when out to swim, though she was rather drunk. Tony was fairly certain that the Asgardian wouldn’t exactly drown. Something would go wrong, sure, but it would be alright. A lot of things went wrong. Tony stretched up and laid on Stephen’s chest. He liked the beach. It gave him an excuse to not wear a shirt and it usually meant that Stephen also did not have a shirt. That was nice. It was also generally acceptable to sit and drink with no shirt on while laying on Stephen. It was nice. He laid back in the sun and listened to Stephen’s heart beat as he gradually fell asleep. 

 

He woke up to hearing Stephen giggling. Tony sat up gradually and looked at him and grinned kissed Stephen’s chin. 

“What are you laughing about?” asked Tony. 

“Your legs,” Stephen said.

“What’s wrong with my-” Tony began before looking at the bright red color of his legs. “Damnit. Why didn’t you wake me up?”

“I was sleeping too,” said Stephen, showing him his  foot, which was almost burned as well. 

“Dammit,” sighed Tony. “Is the sandcastle even done?” 

“No. Neither of them are.”  Tony looked up at the sandcastles. Bruce was awake now, but because he was too mild mannered to ask them to move their sandcastle he was stuck under a massive sand penis. The sand penis was incredibly detailed, each vein structured into it. The Ant squad had built a literal sand mansion. It was gigantic. 

“Hey, uh, sorry to rain on your parade guys but Nick left,” Bruce said. “He was uh.. He was supposed to judge these right?” The castle builders looked around. Nick Fury had indeed left. 

“I think he had the right idea- look up there, the clouds are rolling in,” said Tony. It was getting dark and the air had become chilly. 

“Let’s go,” said Stephen.

“But if Bruce moves our penis dies!” Deadpool whined.

“Let him up,” said Thor. “We’ve held him hostage long enough.” Thor pulled Bruce up from the sand and nearly destroyed the sand penis. 

“And the penis has perished,” Clint said. 

“Rest in peace, penis,” said Deadpool. 

 

Stephen pressed shaky hands on Tony’s burns, and Tony shivered, from the cold of the aloe vera. Well, Stephen rubbing his thighs could have something to do with it as well. Regardless, he leaned back against Stephen and put his head on Stephen’s shoulder. He didn’t always like that Stephen was taller than he was, but being cradled in his arms was incredibly nice. He stretched up and kissed Stephen’s chin. Stephen chuckled and tried to put more aloe vera on Tony’s legs while he rubbed up against Stephen and tried to kiss him more. 

“Tony, I am trying to help your sun burns heal,” said Stephen. “Hold still.”

“It feels good,” said Tony. 

“I’m sure it does.”

“Let me put it on your foot,” said Tony. 

“I’m terribly sorry, but I definitely won’t have the same reaction to it as you did to it.” 

“Just shut up and let me do it.” 

“Alright,” Stephen chuckled. 

 


End file.
